A Friend Only Ever Focuses About Herself: Should I Cut Her Off?
We've been friends with a woman, who has faced and conquered numerous challenges, which I admire. But, she's often taken by surprise by people. Her husband left her, and it was an unexpected event. Several of her friends disappeared then, since they had been focused solely on her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in increased attention toward our bond, probably grasped more acutely the meaning of companionship.
A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away
Throughout this period, many close to her have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. Her previous job turned on her, although she was highly competent, her exit happened unaware of why things shifted.
How Things Stand Now
Lately, we've both left the workforce leading to more each other more, yet I realize the part I play in our friendship is as the audience. I open discussion points but she shifts them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to suggest verifying facts and alternate views.
She has been planning a holiday to a nation I've visited on several occasions and resided in previously. I attempted to offer advice, but this was unappreciated. She essentially just desired me to confirm her plans. I've just returned from a month there she hopes to reconnect, however, I hesitate.
Weighing the Options
I am unwilling to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, yet I doubt she will ever understand the effect of how she acts on my confidence. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?
Potential Solutions
It's possible to walk away, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. However, addressing it with the goal of a solution requires bravery and willingness for each of you.
Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:
"The first step requires explaining what typically happens during your discussions. This needs to be based on facts and essentially an unbiased account. Next is to express her how it leaves you feeling. This allows for no dispute on this point. Emotions are your feelings, naturally. Step three is to ask how the two of you can shift the dynamics in your relationship."
Consider that she also has a point of view, thus requiring you to stay open to listen to her. An approach that works involves stating to the other person:
"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."This can be effective for promoting mutual respect.
Key Takeaways
She could ignore everything, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version about themselves they cannot let go of because their very survival depends upon it and it's all they trust. It's tough when there seems no clear path with these people, mere obstacles. However, she might initially present like this and then think your perspective. If a resolution isn't found a resolution, it will give you closure that you've been open and direct.
